Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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