Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
