So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
