i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She's the barista slut.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
