Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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