you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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