If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
FUCK WHALES
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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