I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
A bitchslap is in order.
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