remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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