There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
