Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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