tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
