if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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