Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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