He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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