I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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