I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
