Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
