and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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