Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
