LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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