don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You're like the curious george of whores
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
