i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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