Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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