He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You ruined the universe
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
