There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
