i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
