What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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