Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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