But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
