I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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