This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
