you guys were way drunker than both of me
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
