That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
