If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He better not be in your backpack
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
