if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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