my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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