It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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