why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
