You can't special order awesome
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
