Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
