Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I want to be your penis for a week.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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