What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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