she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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