Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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