It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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