You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My balls are so social today.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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