Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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