Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
