I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
