last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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